DADDY'S GIRL

On the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii in a little city called, “Kahuku”, lived a humble family named “The Niutupuivahas.”  Yes, this is officially one of the longest names you will come to know.  Today, across Kahuku Elementary on Leleuli Street you will find a young woman named Finau.  All my life this woman has been an amazing example in so many ways, from education to the lessons of the Heavens, she has been on point.

[photo] An interesting thing about this picture is that everyone served a mission, except for Finau’s Mother.

Finau Niutupuivaha is the youngest of 8 children and currently works at Bobby Benson Center and part time at the Polynesian Cultural Center.  She loves to sing, and has such a beautiful voice, dance, and talk, talk, talk.

When I asked Finau to share her story she agreed and said, “Why not?  I didn’t see a reason not to… it’s for a good purpose … hopefully it helps someone.”

Mailefihi Tiki Niutupuivaha passed away in March 2003.

Finau shares, “Losing my dad was unexpected.  He wasn’t sick nor was he taking any medications.  He was a healthy man trying to support his family by farming and selling fruits on the side of the road.  This was all in all a very humbling experience for me.”

[photo] Finau's Dad: Maile

Lani Manu-Latu, a close friend of Finau’s says, “I remember the day her dad passed away, and the funeral, and even with that tragic event she has always remained strong, and has continued to rise above it.”

The Hard Changes
“I was 16 years old when my father passed away and a junior in Kahuku High School.  It dawned on me that I will never use the word “father” or “daddy” and that broke my heart.  What made it even harder is when I attended my sister’s wedding and my brother stood in my father’s place for the father/daughter dance.  I couldn’t stop crying that night.
However, I was hopeful because now I have my daddy being my personal supporter on the other side of the veil.  I now had to turn to my Heavenly Father to give me the love and support that my earthly father had always showed me.  I relied more on divine help because I knew that I could not survive this experience on my own.”

Lieta Livai-Auelua, a relative, adds, “Although she was young when he passed, she truly understood that she would be reunited with her father through the Plan of Happiness...and because of that knowledge and faith instilled by her parents at such a young age, she was able to cope with his earthly absence better than any teenager I know.”

“Finau's definitely a trooper,” is how Hoku Vaioleti-Wolfgramm puts it.

My Changes
“I prayed more earnestly and with purpose; I yearned to have the spirit with me constantly and also to live worthy of the spirit.  This is definitely the time that I developed on of my gifts from Heavenly Father.  I wanted to do everything I could to ensure that I will have a place in heaven, with my dad and the rest of my family.”

Hoku shares, “… knowing Finau, and the knowledge that we have as Latter-Day Saints, I'm sure she's looking forward to the day she will see her dad face-to-face again.”

Lani says that, “She always shared her spiritual thoughts with us, and she was always the first to seminary and even made sure we went to church, and still does.”

A description given by Lieta is that “Finau is a spiritual giant that has always inspired me to do better and be better as a daughter of God. She embodies the 13th article of faith: “We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”

Lessons Learned"Work, work, work.  If you want to be happy, work harder."
 This is a trait that Finau’s father taught his children growing up.

She shares, “My family’s way of getting income was selling fruits on the side of the road and I was required to work there every day after school. My family started doing this in 1996 and we stopped when my father passed away 2003.
We also had a family farm that we children needed to tend to. We were dragged there on the weekends and yes, emphasis on ‘dragged.’ Cause seriously, who wanted to be working at the farm when you can be playing with your friends. Oh well, my dad knew that we will be greatly blessed if we learned the true nature of work at a young age.”

And indeed Finau was blessed.  The true nature of work is one of the greatest traits Finau holds.  One to never take anything for granted, always giving, never taking, and always looking for opportunities to serve.

Sacrifice
Finau shared earlier on how their income came from their fruit stand.  Here is an experience of one of those days.  She says, “I hated having to sit at the fruit stand, so when I would be in school, and the weather was stormy and rainy, I’d think to myself, ‘yes, dad didn’t open the fruit stand today, hallelujah!’ As I walked home, I would see if the white car (the car that my dad stored everything in, the fruits and tent) would be home, and low and behold, it will be missing. I would stomp in the house (my mom would wait at home for me then we’d go to the fruit stand after school) and ask my mom, ‘what is wrong with your husband, doesn’t he see that it’s raining?’ As we would get to the fruit stand and its pouring rain, muddy everywhere, I’d be yelling at my dad, ‘DAD, are you crazy? My goodness, couldn’t you close it today and open it again tomorrow?!’ My dad wouldn’t say much but I remember him telling me time and time again…
‘Finau, ‘oku ‘ikai ke ke toe kai koe he taimi ‘uha?’ (Finau, you don’t eat when it rains?) ‘No one wants to be here Finau, don’t you think I want to be home, sleeping and keeping warm?’ But we have to do what we have to do and our family needs money.
I remember my father holding 3 jobs at one time just trying to make ends meet. Not once did he complain about the bills. He knew his responsibility as a father and he fulfilled it to the best that he knew how.”

Finau was right.  Her father was known to be one of the most hardworking men in our ward and our community.  He never showed stress or mentioned a word of murmur.  He was a strong willed man and knew the main lessons in life necessary to be taught to his children.

The Good
Finau shares, “One of the positive things that came out of losing my father is that I became more motivated, passionate and driven.  Everything I did in life, I simply wanted to make my dad proud.”

“I know she holds her dad close to her heart, and anything she does is to make both her parents proud. She's a woman of great faith and courage, and has never been afraid to stand up for her standards,” says Lani and Lieta goes on to add, “Never once have I ever questioned Finau's faith and commitment to our Heavenly Father. She is wise beyond her years because she understands and maintains an eternal perspective and, most importantly, lives her life accordingly.”

Actions Taken
“Since I was 16 years old at the time my father passed away, here were some of the goals I set.

1. Graduate with honors from high school
2. Graduate at the top of my seminary class
3. Graduate from BYU-H before leaving on a mission
4. Serve a honorable full-time mission when the time came
5. Further my education and receive my masters or even my doctorate degree

[photo] Elder Ballard and Finau at her BYUH Graduation

I have accomplished all but my last goal in which I am currently working towards. I know that God is mindful of me and has placed people in my life to help me be where I am now. I know that there are many more lessons to be learned but I am truly and eternally grateful that I was blessed with a loving earthly father that shaped and molded the first 16 years of my life.”

Hoku shares that she knows Finau’s dad is “very proud of the major life decisions she's made along the way, and is her guiding angel in everything she does. I'm proud to call her a friend and sister.”

If your dad were able to give you some advice today, what would it be?  She responded, “Make sure you don’t marry a loser and continue on with your education.”
Hah! Priceless and so true!

Mission Possible
Finau was able to serve a full time LDS Mission and shares with us how she got there,

“When my father was alive, he paid for all of my siblings to go on a mission. There were eight of us in the family and the first 6 all served and it was only Solia and I left to serve. The day that my dad passed away, he was with my sister Solia at the fruit stand and he told her, “Pe, I will not pay for your mission…” My sister was upset because my dad paid for everyone else and he was saying he cannot pay for hers. I guess my dad knew that his time was almost up…
When it came time for my sister Solia to go on a mission, she was working full-time and DID NOT save up enough to go and I was going to school full-time so we were not sure what to do. We had family home evening with just the three of us and I told my mom that I can take a break from school and work full-time. My mother said no. We needed to trust in the Lord and KNOW that He will provide a way for both my sister and I to continue on with our own personal plans. She was right! Heavenly Father did provide a way. My sister was able to serve a successful mission to Japan Sapporo Mission in 2006.
I on the other hand, graduated from BYU-H in 2007 and started working on my mission papers. I wasn’t sure how my mom was going to pay for my mission because everyone in my family was married with their own family. My siblings said that they would all chip in but my mother was insistent that she do this on her own because I was her last child to serve a mission. Well, I don’t know how my mother did it but she did…I was blessed to serve in the California San Jose Mission from Jan 2009-July 2010.”

[photo] Finau on her mission in
Monterey, CA

“I know without a doubt that God lives and that he is mindful of each and every one of His children. He will provide a way, if we are faithful to the end and continue to follow His promptings EVEN when we do not understand it all. President Boyd K. Packer taught, ‘It is the moment when you have gone to the edge of the light and stepped into the darkness to discover that the way is lighted ahead for just a footstep or two.’ I believe this because I have tried it time and time again…One of the scriptures that come to mind is found in Mosiah 4:9, ‘Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.’”

Lieta shares that she is one who “epitomizes the young women motto to ‘Stand for Truth and Righteousness’ and she is undoubtedly one of the most spiritual women in my life… [Within that] tough exterior shields a big, soft, mushy, charitable heart. She is my relative by lineage, but best friend by choice and I love her to pieces!”

Lani says, “[Finau] has always inspired me and continues to inspire me to be a better person, and I'm sure she’s a role model for others also. She continually strives to live according to Heavenly Father’s standards, and that's what makes her the person she is today.”

Hoku adds, “She's the youngest out of our friend group but totally acts like she's the oldest by sharing with us in any situation her beliefs and advice for everyday life... and that's what we love about her.”

With this we can say, “Like father like daughter!”

We know that God gives and He also takes.  And when He does take, that’s when many things become a blur and we can only react in two ways.  Either we hold tight onto God and with his help overcome and move forward, or we can let go of God and try to do things on our own, limited to the strength of man.

Finau was able to choose the first option.  She held on to God and gained strength from Him, and through that she has been able to not only overcome, but move forward in accomplishing so much in life.

She advises us, specifically those who have lost a loved one to

“Trust in God. Trust that He will take care of you if He will take someone close from you…Know that God will never abandon you. Make sure you learn what needed to be learned in this trial. Many times, we get so caught up in asking, why me? And we lose out on the moments where we can grow spiritually and the Spirit can guide us every step of the way. Have confidence in your relationship with your Father in Heaven and the Spirit. If you don’t have one, now will be the time to develop one…”

For those of you who have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you. To lose someone that you care about, that you’ve made a connection with, someone that you would do anything for, is difficult to lose because of that fact that they are a part of you.

A literal example, let’s think of losing your foot.  Without your foot, you now need to re-learn a lot of things.  How you walk, how you balance yourself, how you wear your shoes, how you exercise, how you eat, ok maybe not how you eat, but you get the picture.  Everything changes.

This can be compared to how one feels when they lose someone very close to them in life.  You find yourself forced to learn new things.  How you express yourself, how you think, how you treat others, how you live life, and so forth.

Both will eventually take a toll on you.  You’d eventually get frustrated, discouraged, sad, mad and all of the above.  Why?  The changes.  How are we to deal with these changes?  As mentioned previously there is option 1; turning to God and receive His help to endure (as Finau did) and there’s option 2; doing it on your own without help.  It’s up to you.

In my life of 24 years, I have lost 3 life changing loved ones.  In the year 2000 I lost my grandma who raised me in Eua, Tonga for the beginning years of my life.  In the year 2007 I lost my nephew at just 18 months old.  In 2008 I lost my grandpa who also raised me in Tonga.

With the first loss, my grandma, I chose option 2.  Do it on my own.  I thought it was working for the first year, but eventually I found myself falling.  I came to realize that I needed option 1.  As soon as I switched over and strengthened my faith, I became happier and more importantly I became wiser.

With the second loss, my nephew, I chose option 1 (learning previously) but I couldn’t help but question the purpose behind it.  I guess you can call this my not fully committed option 1.  This loss broke my heart and had me crying for what felt like eternity.  The main things that ran through my mind were, “Why him?  Why now?  Why in that way?  He was only a little boy.  Why?”  Soon enough I came to realize that asking those questions made me sadder, even a bit angry.  As soon as I stopped, that’s when I was able to find the good in the trial and finally find peace.  This did not totally get rid of the sadness, but it did numb it, helping me cope as the days went on.

With the third loss, I chose option 1 fully committed.  No wondering or asking why.  This time I went straight to finding peace through my faith in God.  I knew my grandpa was happier and I was able to move forward with a peaceful mind.

Experience brings forth greater happiness for future trials.  When we find peace, we are able to find the good, and when we find the good we move forward, much stronger and much wiser.

President Spencer W. Kimball, a past Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints shared, “It is said that the very hairs of your head are all numbered; is it not to teach us that nothing, not the smallest things imaginable, happen to us by chance?”

This knowledge plants hope, strengthens our faith and brings us peace.  Finau had and has the same understanding of President Spencer W. Kimball.  Her loss was not an accident.  There was an eternal plan to it all.

Build a solid foundation.  This will be the key in helping you overcome changes.  Looking back we can all see how change brings out the best in you.  It may take up to 3 different times, like mines, to get it right, but no matter what the length, it will refine you.