3:06PM

Sione Afu

The man that was interviewed a month ago, my father in law, Sione Afu, passed away 3:06pm Utah time on February 29, 2012.

....at 2:30pm our phone rings while Mone is taking a test.  The word from Linda, Mone's mom, was that Latu, the oldest girl, said that their dad wasn't doing well.

I waited outside of Mone's class eager to go, but not eager for any bad news.

As soon as he was done, which was within 10 min of the initial call, we were speeding down the snowy roads to get to Afu's house.

We parked and my husband ran to the house, anxious to see his dad.

The moment I seen Magic, Afu's nephew, outside pacing and his facial expressions, I felt my heart stop for a bit.  My gut felt that Afu was going to pass that night.

As we entered the room, all the family was in tears, especially his older brother, Vaitai, who knelt beside him.

Mone knelt next to him right by Afu's face, a face that would usually greet us when we would walk in, a face that would be smiling, a face that showed no fear, only happiness, we yearned to see this face.

We got there in time for the last few minutes of Afu's life on earth. 

As he was taking his last breaths,....

Dianne, Afu's wife, is telling Afu, "everything is going to be okay.  Go to sleep.  Everyone who loves you is right here with you.  You have nothing to worry about.  The kids will be okay.  The grandkids will be okay.  We love you.  Everything is going to be okay. Go to sleep."

Mone saying, "Dad I love you, Dad I love you, Dad I love you, Dad I love you."

Vaitai, Afu's brother, drowning in his tears as he holds on to Afu's right hand.

Christy, Afu's neice, standing at the edge of the beds head crying and stroking Afu's head, giving the comfort and the reassurance to Afu that everything will be okay.

Latu, Afu's oldest daughter and child, walks in and falls at the feet of her father, using up any energy she has left to touch his feet and tell her dad she loves him.

Rodney, Afu's son, yells with Afu's few last breaths, "Im sorry dad, I love you!"

Kina, Afu's daughter, holds on to his feet, with one hand trying to support her as she stares at her Father with so much love in her heart and tears in her eyes.

Siaki, Afu's son, walks in and straightway tears overtake his face.

And Larry on skype, yelling for his father to wait for him and that He is coming.  He repeats this again and asks him to hold on until he gets here.  He then ends with telling his Father that he loves him very much.

The room was full of love, tears and hope. 

A room that shared the last moments with their husband, father, brother and dear friend.

The nurse then comes in and after checking him she announces at 3:06pm, "he has passed."

The room was then filled with tears and more tears.

Reality hit. and continues to hit as the day went on.

After he passed, everyone still sat there.  It took a bit of time for everyone to pull themself together.  But knowing Afu, he'd want there to be happiness, not sadness.

My marriage with Mone has started with the blessing of his dad's return home in Orem and now with his return home to God.

Afu was diagnosed with liver cancer and was told by the doctor that he had 6 months to live.  This happened in the ending of October.

It has now been about 4 months.

His last few days went as so...

He had a boys night out!  He went to watch a movie with his sons, Rodney and Livi (Latu's husband).

That night we also came to visit him and talked til the late hours.  Afu shared with us much wisdom in life.  Bits and pieces were counsel, other bits were hilarious stories and other bits were expressions of love.

He also made a declaration on Tuesday to Christy, Kina and Dianne of things he needed and needed now.  They said it came out of nowhere and randomly....

"I need a cell phone, so that when I go for a walk, if anything happens, I have a phone to call for help."

"I also need a lap top," he said, "everyone has one, I need one too."

Then Christy asked, "is there anything else?" and after a few umm's he said,

"and a gym pass. For the hot tub."

Tuesday late noon was the last time we saw our dad.  It was a time that he wasn't feeling well and went to bed.  As we followed him in we expressed our love to him.  So grateful for that moment of being able to say "I love You" while he was still with us physically.

With every great man, is a greater woman.  Dianne, Afu's wife, has been his greatest support and caretaker since the day they were married.  She has suffered with him, rejoiced with him, bore every part of emotion with him and more then that, she always loved him through it all and continues to love him today.

Dianne shared, everything went how she hoped it would,

"I wanted him to get out and come home.  He did.  I wanted him to spend the holidays with us.  And he did. I wanted him to go peacefully, without pain.  And he did."

God was able to bless Afu with such an amazing family!

As we sat in the living room talking amongst one another, we watched a slide show that Christy put together of pictures of Afu and his family.

Afu actually asked Christy to put it together just two days before he passed.

Christy was Afu's home nurse and chef.  She played a big part of making Afu happy!  and a Bigger Help to Dianne.

Experiences in life are crazy!  But as the apostles shared, "we can't control a lot of life's changes, but we can control what we do when it happens."

Afu was given news that he couldn't control.

But that didn't stop him...

For example,  After Christmas, the lights that were wrapped around the trees in front of his house, needed to be taken down.  Dianne expected him to just unravel the bottom part, but instead Afu was up in the tree!

His nurse also came by that same time and asked him, "what are you doing?"

In reply Afu shared, "I'm exercising!"  She laughed and continued towards the house.

When he came in he told her, "I would rather die falling off the tree then in bed doing nothing."

Which he stuck to since.  He would either take walks, lift weights or anything to keep moving.  He never wanted to waste time with the limited time he was given.

He shared with me that He lifted weights so he could get back in shape.  Because I just met him recently, he wanted me to get to see how he looked before he got sick.  He asked Mone to find some pictures of him on facebook.

When we found some on his brothers' pages, we scrolled through them.  He shared that He was so hot back in the days, and that he still is even though he's sick.  He was so easy to talk to and so funny.  He went on telling me how much mone resembles him.  He shared, this is why his mom couldn't bare to see Mone growing up, because he reminded her too much of Afu.  He was hilarious!

He was a great example of the saying, "when life throws you lemons, make lemonade."

Afu was a man that EVERYONE wanted to be around, and when you were with him you were either...

LAUGHING

or

LISTENING INTENTLY

Afu went through a lot and gained a lot of wisdom through it all.  This is the wisdom he would share with us.  From talks of keeping a happy marriage, doing good to others, not passing judgements to stories of talking to his hands and feet (a time when His dad was teaching him a lesson), times at Liahona, his mom and dad, his battles, his struggles, his experiences, his learnings...etc.

Then there's the talks that have you rolling or gasping for air.  haha.  That is the first thing that you expect when talking to Afu, expect to laugh and expect to laugh hard.

What a good man Afu was and is.

He was unique, because God knew there were certain people that needed him just the way he was.  He was always that man that someone would say after talking with him, "I needed to hear that." or "I know I need to do that." You would leave the conversation with him feeling rejuvinated with life, wanting to be better and wanting to take advantage of the blessings we have.

Afu was good with expressing his love, especially for his kids: Latu, Mone, Larry, Siaki, Kina, Rodney, Sierra and Josh.  He also expressed his love for sports, his love for tongan food or food in general like banana bread, he also was my number one fan of my banana cream pie... it wasn't anything special, just regular banana cream pie, but he made me feel like I was the best banana cream pie maker there was out there... after I made it for him the first time, a few days later I get a text at 10pm that he was craving some right now,lol.  So I woke mone up to run with me to the store and get the ingredients and start making it... Not fully chilled yet, we took it over to him around midnight... and yes, he still ate it that late :)

He also has a love for telling Mone how much the 49ers suck lol..  during the 49ers game, with every touchdown the 49ers made Christy would dance, even with her one cast foot from surgery and Mone would hug and kiss his dads forehead.. Afu would laugh and just say, "Wait til the game is finish and see if you still do that!"  Lo and behold, at the end of the game Siaki was doing some kind of movement in the middle of the room, Mone said he thinks he was dancing, and Afu had the biggest smile on his face. 

He also has more love for his grandkids: Prince, Naslo, Angelo and one on the way (Larry and Leka's kids) and Luvu, Fatboy and SkyyLin (Livi and Latu's kids).  These grandkids are his pride and joy, they are what makes his world turn and fight for life worth it.

Like I said previously, I met Afu for the first time when he got home in the beginning of November.  My first time meeting him, I was super nervous, but those nerves went away fast with laughter.  He welcomed me as if He knew me for years, I felt right at home with him, never did I feel like an outsider or even "new."  He was a blessing at the beginning of our marriage and will remain a blessing in our lives.

Before leaving the house, the kids went through some of their dad's stuff.  One of the many found was Mone's missionary tag that said, "Elder Afu."  Mone turned to me and said, "I can't believe he kept this.  I sent it to him while I was still on my mission."

There are so many great memories to reflect on that help us feel his presence.  So many people will miss him.  So many people will talk about their great times with him,... for years and years.  So many people will express there love for him, for the impact he has had on their lives.  So many.

As we do so...

keep in mind...

He is in a better place, pain free with a resurrected body.

He wants us to be happy, so we mourn with hope

Whoever he's with, they are laughing and feeling loved.

Let us remember his life, not his death.

.... let's not say goodbye, instead.... 'til we meet again!

pray for the Afu Family <3

WELCOME

This Blog is titled, “Refined” as Webster defines: freed from impurities.  Its purpose is to tip the scales of what people read, instead of the daily readings on how to change the outer appearance; this will focus on benefiting the inner self.  A change of heart.  It’s better explained in the song, “Refiner’s Fire.”

Purify my heart

Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will

 

This song helps to expresses the Webster definition; freed from impurities.  Trials are considered to be a refiner's fire, a time for us to experience, learn and become better because of it.  Everyone has trials, and this a site that gives an opportunity for not only you to tell your story, but also for others to learn from your story.  As the Chinese Proverb says, “To know the road ahead, ask those coming back," this month's theme.

Every month the blog will be renewed with a new theme and new stories.  And this month’s theme goes with the season of a new year of 2012.  With every New Year we make resolutions, or attempt to, with pen in hand and a blank sheet of paper we ask ourselves, “What did we do last year?  What have we learned?  What will we do differently?”  It is the main inspiration behind this first post that will be highlighting those who have gone through a change in their life and how they were refined through it.

The following posts will include how one woman accepted her physical differences, another on how she overcame the death of her Father, another will share the outcome of real passion and another on how he lives after given a time limit. 


This month's theme...

"THOSE COMING BACK..."

SHOW YOURSELF

With a voice that can calm the stormy seas, many have enjoyed the beautiful music by a woman named Fatai.  For many of us we’ve been uplifted and edified by her songs.  For others they have been touched and even strengthened in faith by the message given through her music.

Fatai is admired because of her talents, loved because of her Christ like personality and looked up to because of her strength in life that she tells us about below.

This is the story of Leslie Fatai Tavo-Nau.  She was born in Salt Lake City, UT on February 7, 1986.  Her favorite foods are fruits and veggies and above all sweets.  She enjoys playing Sudoku and something interesting about her is that she loves fixing hair.

God Created Me
Fatai explains, “I was born with a deformity from my elbows to my hands. I have only five fingers, two fingers on my right hand, and three on my left.”

[photo] Fatai as a baby.

Mom and Dad
How did your parents react when u were born?  Fatai answered, “I am my parents' firstborn. My mom said that when I was born, the doctor and nurses gave an impression that something was wrong. She asked if I was okay, but they didn't answer. As they took me away to run some tests, she prayed for me that I would be okay. Later they told her about my hands. The first thing she asked was if I was going to be okay. She was relieved when they said yes. My father remembers how grateful he was that I was alive and healthy, but knew my life was special.”

Nothing meant more then their little baby girl's life.  She was more then perfect in their eyes.

News
The doctors told her parents that she “would need help doing everything.”  Fatai further shares, “Limitations assumed would be anything that had to do with my hands. My two fingers on my right hand could not move. I also don't have a joint on my right elbow to bend.”  Questions they thought about were, “Will she need help holding things? Could she write? How would she be able to hold a pen? How can she fix her hair? Can she drive?”  These would only be answered in time.

“My parents thought it wise to let me explore and try things out. They knew I would need help and waited to see what I would need help with.”

No Limits
“When I was young, I never thought my hands were different from anyone else. I don't remember being told I couldn't do anything. A few years after being told that I would be limited, after many hand massages, I was able to move my two fingers on my right hand. This helped make things easier with carrying and picking up things.  I had to learn to do things just like everyone else. Of course, I did things differently but I learned it.
For example, I wanted to play the trombone. Because my arms weren't long enough, I used my foot to slide the brace back and forth. Another example, I learned to play the piano. I first started playing just by hitting the keys and putting songs together like ‘Mary had a little lamb.’ My desire to learn moved me to take piano lessons. My parents were very supportive of me. My first piano lesson with my piano teacher was very interesting because the first lesson had to deal with hand positioning. My piano teacher did her best to teach me that, but I had to teach myself. My desire to play was strong enough for me to see past my limitation.”

“Yes, there are some things that I can't do today for example, putting my hair in a ponytail. It was frustrating that I couldn't even do this simple task, but in time I was able to accept it and learned to improvise. I can do other things with my hair and when I want my hair in a ponytail, I just simply ask for help.”

My Motivation
I asked Fatai, what kept you going in life? She says, “I know if I didn't have a relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ, I would not be motivated to live my life. Through Him, I was able to see the possibilities and not my disability.”

Struggles
"I never felt like I had a disability until I started recognizing all the stares and looks that I got. When you're a little kid, playing and running around, you don't pay attention to anything but having fun. As I got older and entered my teen years, the constant staring, whispering and occasional pointing took a toll on my self-esteem.
I became paranoid. I felt like everyone was sneaking stares at my hands. But despite my issues, I loved hanging out with my friends, being around people and I didn't want them to see my struggle within. Weird? Yeah, I know.
I became involved in student government for my middle school. It was a lot of fun, but it was hard. Being a student body officer, I was involved in many school functions and I had to get out of my comfort zone. A neighboring school's student government invited our student government to their dance. So we went. During the dance, they had the student body officers take the dance floor and start a slow dance number. We were paired up with each other. We then were to break up and find new partners and keep doing this until everyone was dancing. The first break happened and I was to look for a new partner. I didn't know anybody because this was a different school, but I was hoping that someone would at least dance with me. I walked to the nearest boy, and as I did so they backed up and walked away. I looked to the boy closest and he did the same. As I tried the third time, several of the boys all backed up, like I had a disease or something, looking at my weird shaped arms. I couldn't hold my tears in and bear the humiliation any longer. This was what I was trying to avoid. This was why I tried to hide my hands. I didn't want people to be scared of me.
I started to hide my hands. It would be so hot in the summer, and I would be wearing a sweater. I would wear anything long sleeved hoping that no one would recognize how different my hands are from theirs. At this point in my life, I wished I wasn't born with these hands. I didn't want to feel like a freak. I didn't want people to pity me. I just wanted people to accept me and my hands.”

Burdens made light
On many of Fatai’s songs you can hear how her Faith was crucial in getting her through her struggles in life.  She shares that, “Seminary played a big part. I loved going to seminary. I always felt good about myself there. I never felted judged and knew I was accepted there because we were all there to learn about Christ. My junior year I had an amazing seminary teacher, Brother Beebe, who had this amazing spirit that he carried. He helped me gain a relationship with Christ. It was there I was able to gain a personal testimony of Him.”

Daddy’s little girl
Everyone has that certain person or persons who we would say, “I don’t know where I’d be without them.”  Fatai was blessed with such a loving family and supportive friends.  She goes on to share, “There are so many people who were there for me, but I would have to say from the beginning it would be my Dad.  He always says what I need to hear. When I was struggling with my self esteem, he was there to give me support in every way, encouraging me to be proud of who I am, a daughter of God. I remember one time, he said to me, ‘Fatai, show yourself! Show yourself and they will love you!’ He was right. I still turn to him today when I need help with anything.”

[photo] Fatai's Parents

Positive
I asked Fatai, How were you able to remain positive through life?  She answered, “It's better than being negative. When I was struggling, I was only focusing on the negative and it brought a lot of sadness. A lot of emptiness. Being positive is being happy. It's choosing to be happy, and everyone wants to be happy. That's why I strive to be positive.”

Meliani Tonga-Mila, a childhood friend, shares with us, “Fatai has taught me the gift of service and the power of faith. She has overcome so many obstacles and never once let anything hold her back from giving and serving others. She’s utilized her strongest talent which is her voice and continues to touch the hearts of all those who hear her strong spirit, through her voice. Her faith is what's sustained her as a daughter, a friend, a missionary and now as a mother and wife. She always seems to find the good in every situation.”

Assumptions
Many assume a lot of things about Fatai upon seeing her, she tells us, “For those who don't know me assume I can't do much and require a lot of help. But in time, they learn otherwise. When they do see me doing something, they wonder, ‘How does she do it?’ To tell you the truth if you were born with my hands, you would be doing the same thing that I'm doing, because this is all I know. If an accident caused the deformity in my hands, I think it would've been harder to learn to do simple everyday things. Another thing is I still get pitied and that's kind of annoying. I've done so much with my hands, using the little fingers that I have. What have you done with your ten? lol I do know there is a difference between pity and sympathy. There have been many great people who were there with me and suffered with me through my struggle. They, too, helped me overcome my battle with myself.”

Learning from Assumptions
"I've learned that some people's intentions are good. They genuinely want to help me. I used to get offended easily, thinking I was being belittled. I've come to know that people do care. Knowing this has opened me to new friendships and relationships. I also respect those who may not intentionally mean to hurt my feelings, but are curious.
Kids are especially funny with this. I love how innocent they are as they ask their 21 questions about my hands while their parents turn red, embarrassed, trying to get their kids to shut up. Lol. I laugh because kids are naturally curious and just want to know. Of course, there are times when a kid will make fun of me, but I simply ask them if we can be friends and they won't make fun of me or anyone else that looks different. They usually agree.”

Ultimate Me

Fatai shares, “I want to be a good person. I want to be respected. I want to be treated equally and fairly. Oh, and I want to be a billionaire! Lol... but for real!

[photo] Fatai

Besides Christ, I would have to say my Dad has been my role model. With what was said previously, I find that a lot of my strengths come from him.”

Meliani shares, “What I love most about Fatai is her humility. She is honestly the most gifted and talented person I know, and yet she is so humble and willing to share her voice every time she is asked."

This is Me

Fatai has found success in many goals she set and tells us of some, “I was able to pursue both singing and playing piano. I got better at composing my own music. I ended up teaching choir in high school and church. I started a choir called One Voice with a few of my good friends. Before I left to serve an LDS mission, I came out with an album of some of my original songs entitled ‘My Testimony.’ This album helped pay for my mission.”

Meliani adds, “Fatai has always been that extra push I needed from a loving friend for as long as I can remember. We not only share our friendship through conversations, hanging out and as sisters but through music as well. We have a bond we share only through music. When she sings and I accompany her we go onto our 'special zone' where the music helps define us, and portrays our thoughts and feelings through song. Fatai is an amazing sister, daughter, wife, and mother and to me she's the best friend I could ever ask for.”

Today

Fatai has been married for about 2 1/2 years to Ofa Nau Jr. They have a beautiful daughter named Isa Kelia. Mommy says, “She's so much fun.”  They are currently both in school, with her husband just finishing up.  Mommy adds, “I'm trying to finish before we have another child. We'll see how that works out.”  They have been living in California for over a year now and Fatai says, “I love the weather.”

[photo] Nau Family Picture

My Other Half
Of course behind every great woman is an amazing gentleman.  I asked Fatai a few questions about her gentleman.  Here’s what she had to say, “The thing I love most about my husband is how he makes me feel. From the very beginning, he made me feel good about myself. I remember the first time he held my hand; it was so awkward for me. He knew it, too. I wanted to pull my hand away, but he wouldn't let me. I was telling him how weird it was for him to be holding my hand, but I'll never forget his words to me. He just said, ‘Fatai, your hands are perfect!’  Yeah. That just won me over. lol. He truly does bring the best out of me... and the worst. lol. That's marriage for ya. But we make it work, and we'll continue to do so.”

Mommy Life
How did it feel to become a new mommy?  Fatai answers, “I honestly felt scared.   I was really excited, but I had so many questions like, 'How am I going to take care of her?' or 'Will she ever be embarrassed of me?' Being a mom for the past 8 months has taught me what true happiness really is. I don't know how I've done it so far, but I'm doing it."

What do you want to teach her?  She responds, “Something I want to teach my daughter is there's nothing wrong with being different and unique. I want her to be kind to everyone!
I know this because I had to learn acceptance, to accept that my hands were different and that there was nothing wrong with them. Once I did, I saw the world in a whole new light. Everyone is unique in their own way. We all are special in our own way. We all have something good to offer in this world today. Let us acknowledge and appreciate it. “

We know that with life, comes experiences.  With some or even one experience, we are able to become better, change, or in some cases, ‘grow up.’  Fatai shares her life changing experience was, “Back in 2007, I served an LDS mission for 18 months of my life in Houston, Texas. Those 18 months strengthened my relationship with God and with myself. I learned to see myself as Heavenly Father sees me. I learned how to love myself by loving others through service.”

DADDY'S GIRL

On the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii in a little city called, “Kahuku”, lived a humble family named “The Niutupuivahas.”  Yes, this is officially one of the longest names you will come to know.  Today, across Kahuku Elementary on Leleuli Street you will find a young woman named Finau.  All my life this woman has been an amazing example in so many ways, from education to the lessons of the Heavens, she has been on point.

[photo] An interesting thing about this picture is that everyone served a mission, except for Finau’s Mother.

Finau Niutupuivaha is the youngest of 8 children and currently works at Bobby Benson Center and part time at the Polynesian Cultural Center.  She loves to sing, and has such a beautiful voice, dance, and talk, talk, talk.

When I asked Finau to share her story she agreed and said, “Why not?  I didn’t see a reason not to… it’s for a good purpose … hopefully it helps someone.”

Mailefihi Tiki Niutupuivaha passed away in March 2003.

Finau shares, “Losing my dad was unexpected.  He wasn’t sick nor was he taking any medications.  He was a healthy man trying to support his family by farming and selling fruits on the side of the road.  This was all in all a very humbling experience for me.”

[photo] Finau's Dad: Maile

Lani Manu-Latu, a close friend of Finau’s says, “I remember the day her dad passed away, and the funeral, and even with that tragic event she has always remained strong, and has continued to rise above it.”

The Hard Changes
“I was 16 years old when my father passed away and a junior in Kahuku High School.  It dawned on me that I will never use the word “father” or “daddy” and that broke my heart.  What made it even harder is when I attended my sister’s wedding and my brother stood in my father’s place for the father/daughter dance.  I couldn’t stop crying that night.
However, I was hopeful because now I have my daddy being my personal supporter on the other side of the veil.  I now had to turn to my Heavenly Father to give me the love and support that my earthly father had always showed me.  I relied more on divine help because I knew that I could not survive this experience on my own.”

Lieta Livai-Auelua, a relative, adds, “Although she was young when he passed, she truly understood that she would be reunited with her father through the Plan of Happiness...and because of that knowledge and faith instilled by her parents at such a young age, she was able to cope with his earthly absence better than any teenager I know.”

“Finau's definitely a trooper,” is how Hoku Vaioleti-Wolfgramm puts it.

My Changes
“I prayed more earnestly and with purpose; I yearned to have the spirit with me constantly and also to live worthy of the spirit.  This is definitely the time that I developed on of my gifts from Heavenly Father.  I wanted to do everything I could to ensure that I will have a place in heaven, with my dad and the rest of my family.”

Hoku shares, “… knowing Finau, and the knowledge that we have as Latter-Day Saints, I'm sure she's looking forward to the day she will see her dad face-to-face again.”

Lani says that, “She always shared her spiritual thoughts with us, and she was always the first to seminary and even made sure we went to church, and still does.”

A description given by Lieta is that “Finau is a spiritual giant that has always inspired me to do better and be better as a daughter of God. She embodies the 13th article of faith: “We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”

Lessons Learned"Work, work, work.  If you want to be happy, work harder."
 This is a trait that Finau’s father taught his children growing up.

She shares, “My family’s way of getting income was selling fruits on the side of the road and I was required to work there every day after school. My family started doing this in 1996 and we stopped when my father passed away 2003.
We also had a family farm that we children needed to tend to. We were dragged there on the weekends and yes, emphasis on ‘dragged.’ Cause seriously, who wanted to be working at the farm when you can be playing with your friends. Oh well, my dad knew that we will be greatly blessed if we learned the true nature of work at a young age.”

And indeed Finau was blessed.  The true nature of work is one of the greatest traits Finau holds.  One to never take anything for granted, always giving, never taking, and always looking for opportunities to serve.

Sacrifice
Finau shared earlier on how their income came from their fruit stand.  Here is an experience of one of those days.  She says, “I hated having to sit at the fruit stand, so when I would be in school, and the weather was stormy and rainy, I’d think to myself, ‘yes, dad didn’t open the fruit stand today, hallelujah!’ As I walked home, I would see if the white car (the car that my dad stored everything in, the fruits and tent) would be home, and low and behold, it will be missing. I would stomp in the house (my mom would wait at home for me then we’d go to the fruit stand after school) and ask my mom, ‘what is wrong with your husband, doesn’t he see that it’s raining?’ As we would get to the fruit stand and its pouring rain, muddy everywhere, I’d be yelling at my dad, ‘DAD, are you crazy? My goodness, couldn’t you close it today and open it again tomorrow?!’ My dad wouldn’t say much but I remember him telling me time and time again…
‘Finau, ‘oku ‘ikai ke ke toe kai koe he taimi ‘uha?’ (Finau, you don’t eat when it rains?) ‘No one wants to be here Finau, don’t you think I want to be home, sleeping and keeping warm?’ But we have to do what we have to do and our family needs money.
I remember my father holding 3 jobs at one time just trying to make ends meet. Not once did he complain about the bills. He knew his responsibility as a father and he fulfilled it to the best that he knew how.”

Finau was right.  Her father was known to be one of the most hardworking men in our ward and our community.  He never showed stress or mentioned a word of murmur.  He was a strong willed man and knew the main lessons in life necessary to be taught to his children.

The Good
Finau shares, “One of the positive things that came out of losing my father is that I became more motivated, passionate and driven.  Everything I did in life, I simply wanted to make my dad proud.”

“I know she holds her dad close to her heart, and anything she does is to make both her parents proud. She's a woman of great faith and courage, and has never been afraid to stand up for her standards,” says Lani and Lieta goes on to add, “Never once have I ever questioned Finau's faith and commitment to our Heavenly Father. She is wise beyond her years because she understands and maintains an eternal perspective and, most importantly, lives her life accordingly.”

Actions Taken
“Since I was 16 years old at the time my father passed away, here were some of the goals I set.

1. Graduate with honors from high school
2. Graduate at the top of my seminary class
3. Graduate from BYU-H before leaving on a mission
4. Serve a honorable full-time mission when the time came
5. Further my education and receive my masters or even my doctorate degree

[photo] Elder Ballard and Finau at her BYUH Graduation

I have accomplished all but my last goal in which I am currently working towards. I know that God is mindful of me and has placed people in my life to help me be where I am now. I know that there are many more lessons to be learned but I am truly and eternally grateful that I was blessed with a loving earthly father that shaped and molded the first 16 years of my life.”

Hoku shares that she knows Finau’s dad is “very proud of the major life decisions she's made along the way, and is her guiding angel in everything she does. I'm proud to call her a friend and sister.”

If your dad were able to give you some advice today, what would it be?  She responded, “Make sure you don’t marry a loser and continue on with your education.”
Hah! Priceless and so true!

Mission Possible
Finau was able to serve a full time LDS Mission and shares with us how she got there,

“When my father was alive, he paid for all of my siblings to go on a mission. There were eight of us in the family and the first 6 all served and it was only Solia and I left to serve. The day that my dad passed away, he was with my sister Solia at the fruit stand and he told her, “Pe, I will not pay for your mission…” My sister was upset because my dad paid for everyone else and he was saying he cannot pay for hers. I guess my dad knew that his time was almost up…
When it came time for my sister Solia to go on a mission, she was working full-time and DID NOT save up enough to go and I was going to school full-time so we were not sure what to do. We had family home evening with just the three of us and I told my mom that I can take a break from school and work full-time. My mother said no. We needed to trust in the Lord and KNOW that He will provide a way for both my sister and I to continue on with our own personal plans. She was right! Heavenly Father did provide a way. My sister was able to serve a successful mission to Japan Sapporo Mission in 2006.
I on the other hand, graduated from BYU-H in 2007 and started working on my mission papers. I wasn’t sure how my mom was going to pay for my mission because everyone in my family was married with their own family. My siblings said that they would all chip in but my mother was insistent that she do this on her own because I was her last child to serve a mission. Well, I don’t know how my mother did it but she did…I was blessed to serve in the California San Jose Mission from Jan 2009-July 2010.”

[photo] Finau on her mission in
Monterey, CA

“I know without a doubt that God lives and that he is mindful of each and every one of His children. He will provide a way, if we are faithful to the end and continue to follow His promptings EVEN when we do not understand it all. President Boyd K. Packer taught, ‘It is the moment when you have gone to the edge of the light and stepped into the darkness to discover that the way is lighted ahead for just a footstep or two.’ I believe this because I have tried it time and time again…One of the scriptures that come to mind is found in Mosiah 4:9, ‘Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.’”

Lieta shares that she is one who “epitomizes the young women motto to ‘Stand for Truth and Righteousness’ and she is undoubtedly one of the most spiritual women in my life… [Within that] tough exterior shields a big, soft, mushy, charitable heart. She is my relative by lineage, but best friend by choice and I love her to pieces!”

Lani says, “[Finau] has always inspired me and continues to inspire me to be a better person, and I'm sure she’s a role model for others also. She continually strives to live according to Heavenly Father’s standards, and that's what makes her the person she is today.”

Hoku adds, “She's the youngest out of our friend group but totally acts like she's the oldest by sharing with us in any situation her beliefs and advice for everyday life... and that's what we love about her.”

With this we can say, “Like father like daughter!”

We know that God gives and He also takes.  And when He does take, that’s when many things become a blur and we can only react in two ways.  Either we hold tight onto God and with his help overcome and move forward, or we can let go of God and try to do things on our own, limited to the strength of man.

Finau was able to choose the first option.  She held on to God and gained strength from Him, and through that she has been able to not only overcome, but move forward in accomplishing so much in life.

She advises us, specifically those who have lost a loved one to

“Trust in God. Trust that He will take care of you if He will take someone close from you…Know that God will never abandon you. Make sure you learn what needed to be learned in this trial. Many times, we get so caught up in asking, why me? And we lose out on the moments where we can grow spiritually and the Spirit can guide us every step of the way. Have confidence in your relationship with your Father in Heaven and the Spirit. If you don’t have one, now will be the time to develop one…”

For those of you who have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you. To lose someone that you care about, that you’ve made a connection with, someone that you would do anything for, is difficult to lose because of that fact that they are a part of you.

A literal example, let’s think of losing your foot.  Without your foot, you now need to re-learn a lot of things.  How you walk, how you balance yourself, how you wear your shoes, how you exercise, how you eat, ok maybe not how you eat, but you get the picture.  Everything changes.

This can be compared to how one feels when they lose someone very close to them in life.  You find yourself forced to learn new things.  How you express yourself, how you think, how you treat others, how you live life, and so forth.

Both will eventually take a toll on you.  You’d eventually get frustrated, discouraged, sad, mad and all of the above.  Why?  The changes.  How are we to deal with these changes?  As mentioned previously there is option 1; turning to God and receive His help to endure (as Finau did) and there’s option 2; doing it on your own without help.  It’s up to you.

In my life of 24 years, I have lost 3 life changing loved ones.  In the year 2000 I lost my grandma who raised me in Eua, Tonga for the beginning years of my life.  In the year 2007 I lost my nephew at just 18 months old.  In 2008 I lost my grandpa who also raised me in Tonga.

With the first loss, my grandma, I chose option 2.  Do it on my own.  I thought it was working for the first year, but eventually I found myself falling.  I came to realize that I needed option 1.  As soon as I switched over and strengthened my faith, I became happier and more importantly I became wiser.

With the second loss, my nephew, I chose option 1 (learning previously) but I couldn’t help but question the purpose behind it.  I guess you can call this my not fully committed option 1.  This loss broke my heart and had me crying for what felt like eternity.  The main things that ran through my mind were, “Why him?  Why now?  Why in that way?  He was only a little boy.  Why?”  Soon enough I came to realize that asking those questions made me sadder, even a bit angry.  As soon as I stopped, that’s when I was able to find the good in the trial and finally find peace.  This did not totally get rid of the sadness, but it did numb it, helping me cope as the days went on.

With the third loss, I chose option 1 fully committed.  No wondering or asking why.  This time I went straight to finding peace through my faith in God.  I knew my grandpa was happier and I was able to move forward with a peaceful mind.

Experience brings forth greater happiness for future trials.  When we find peace, we are able to find the good, and when we find the good we move forward, much stronger and much wiser.

President Spencer W. Kimball, a past Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints shared, “It is said that the very hairs of your head are all numbered; is it not to teach us that nothing, not the smallest things imaginable, happen to us by chance?”

This knowledge plants hope, strengthens our faith and brings us peace.  Finau had and has the same understanding of President Spencer W. Kimball.  Her loss was not an accident.  There was an eternal plan to it all.

Build a solid foundation.  This will be the key in helping you overcome changes.  Looking back we can all see how change brings out the best in you.  It may take up to 3 different times, like mines, to get it right, but no matter what the length, it will refine you.